Retail Therapy

Firstly, I have been good with my money ever since I started work, save for the odd slip ups here and there. I rarely dine at fancy places, I try to look for free parking, haven't been out of the country last year, and I don't buy clothes/ shoes past RM100.

Maybe it's because I've been having several 7 day working weeks, maybe save for facials and acne medication I haven't bought myself anything for the last few months; but I went ballistic. In just a week I bought a holiday in Bali, 2 pairs of earrings, and 2 expensive dresses. I don't even dare to check my bank balance!!! 

The dresses are beautiful though..

This Lifestyle Isn't Working

I need a change. This isn't working.

In all fairness, I really did try to take it all in stride. But I am exhausted and am really not making that much progress. At this point, I am willing to take a risk..

Insensitive

Your words hurt. Especially when we have been friends since forever. 

Yes, I am your typical middle child, with all the middle child angst raging a war within me. I am well aware that I fall short when it came to gene distribution. For years I let the fact that I am the least in my family eat me up alive, but I've left them behind because it is out of my control.  I learnt to accept that I am this way for a reason, that God did not make a mistake when He made me.  I make the most of what I have. For the most part these days I just work hard to make up for whatever I lack. But you had to go and bring it all up tonight. The things I can't change.

You know what? I know who I am. I believe in my music, because I know I make good music. I am not drop dead gorgeous and I don't possess natural wit or charm. But this one thing I'm good at? I know that I'm good. And if I work my friggin ass off I don't see why I can't succeed.

Why am I working hard, you ask? Because I don't have any other option.

If this is an attempt of apologizing for missing my gig, keep your half assed apology because the only thing you managed to do is make me very, very pissed. And NO. You were not at Alexis to watch me play. What the hell. I wasn't even playing that night and we only ended up sitting together because T was doing live sound and you happened to be there with some other friends.

You know why this is directed at you? It's because the others sincerely apologized. You were flippant. As if I'm throwing a hissy fit for nothing.  "We can argue about this the whole night la..you know I would've wanted to be there for things like that". Right. And that's why after so many years of performing you have not come to a single show.

And screw you for saying I don't have the package, or a unique enough voice.

What is your problem? Why do you have to say things that you know full well are knives twisting away at all my insecurities? If I was younger I would've let them eat away at me. But I choose what to believe nowadays and I refuse to be affected by your lousy words. 

Just save it. Save your opinions. I have no need for them.

Covering Neon Trees

I like the song, despite some dodgy lines in the lyrics. Been wanting to do a cover for a couple months, and finally managed to do it last Saturday afternoon. It's a live recording this time, and this is I think take 4 after forgetting the iPad, battling wind, car and security guard noises outdoors. The awkwardness I can't do much about, have never been a graceful kid and I am learning to come to terms with that. Again, huge thanks to T for my idea would remain just that if it wasn't for his help. Enjoy!

Confidence Boost Is..

When I got asked to work on a job by the director who shot the advert, and that he's happy with the outcome. (can't fully rejoice until the client views it tomorrow and approves the work, but I'll allow myself a little pat on the shoulder for now)

The madness has begun. But I'm happy to be busy with music. 

Fairy Lights

Is what I call next Sunday night's gig. A cosy, semi acoustic set featuring awesome songwriters, with pretty lights (hence the name. haha) Cheers to Siah who took time out of his busy schedule to help design this. 

Doppel was giving opportunities to host their own gigs, and I've promised myself to seize opportunities like these. 

Fingers and toes crossed, set up will be straight forward, and it will be a good night. 

Madeleine's Turned 1!

T made a video of her party: 

Ok. It's time to brace myself for the next couple of months, starting with hosting a gig. Whatever happens, it's going to be an interesting experience. 

Another mantra: treat people right. 

I know I write shoddily. Sorry..need to sleep, gotta be up at 6. Night world.